Woman Embraces Body After Near Death Illness

CONTENT WARNING: A head’s up we discuss disordered eating and body dysmorphia in this episode. For information about eating disorders go to the National Eating Disorders website or ANAD for information and a free helpline or if you’re concerned someone you care about may have an eating disorder go to HelpGuide.

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TRANSCRIPT

Stephanie Washington got the message at a young age that she needed to fit in. As a girl, she needed to be careful. Boys could run around and climb trees, but not girls.

They're outside and I have to like, sit and be cute kind of thing. And and they didn't want me to scrape my knees or be out in the sun because I don't want to get darker…and they're like, ‘Oh, they can play that, but like, you're delicate.’ I'm like, ‘No, I can to be like, rough and tumble.’ I'm like, ‘everybody else is climbing the tree.’

The worst thing she could do was get a scar.

I remember an aunt being like, ‘well, when you're older and wearing dresses and like boys are looking at you know, you don't want to have scars on your legs. Right?’ But they like, look kind of cool in the boys is like, ‘what was that? What happened there?’ 

Even though she had what she calls a naturally athletic build, her parents discouraged her from sports. 

I remember feeling strong. I was always the tallest, kind of naturally broad shoulders … I like to say sturdy. I've always been sturdy. And felt like I could do a lot of things and keep up with a lot of the kids. 

In the third grade Stephanie remembers her mom picking her up from school. One time, when the teacher called her name, she ran to the door not looking where she was going and crashed into the edge of the bleachers and cut her knee.

I ran straight into my mom and I'm just eyes wide like, Oh, this blood is in my socks. And she's like, ‘Oh my God, that's deep.’ And it wasn't like we got to get medical help. It's just like, put the Neosporin… I just I remember being like, ‘Oh, no, I'm in so much trouble.’ 

It wasn’t until much later that she learned there are much worse things in life than scars. This is a story about how Stephanie learned to take risks, and in the process, be true to herself.  

This is 2 Lives. I’m Laurel Morales.

Stephanie Discovers She’s Different

In junior high Stephanie Washington remembers going with her mom to check out a new school near Phoenix.

I've always been, I hate to use the word token, but like the black girl. So it was like, well, it's just another white space with me and my family. And I walked into the school and like energetically it just felt like off.

They took a tour of the classrooms, the cafeteria, the gym and Stephanie quickly grew quiet, unusually quiet.

We get into the car and I just was bawling and I couldn't understand why. And she was like, ‘We don't have to go there. We don't have to go there.’ And I just felt this unspoken like you're not wanted here. And no one ever said it explicitly. But like the looks from the girls, the looks from the staff are like oh!

So her mom and her check out another school.

I am the only black person not black student. Black person. No staff. No students. No teachers, No administrators. The only black person. So it's really jarring. I'm and with kids who I'm their first black person that they've been in, like proximity to that they can ask sometimes inappropriate questions. 

But Stephanie was 12. And at that age you just want to belong.

You don't want to stand out. I'm already.Self-conscious. I'm already, like, in the throes of puberty and hormones. And now I'm, like, othered every day. Like, it would be, you know, February's Black History Month and the whole class kind of turns around, like. ‘What are you looking at me? I don't know her. Harriet Tubman was around a long time ago,’ but it was all kind of like I'm the spokesperson. 

Stephanie Just Wants To Fit In

As puberty took over, her desire to fit in only surged. So Stephanie would study what other kids were wearing and how they acted. 

It's like a flip of a switch. It's like, Oh, God. Okay. So she's what pretty is. He's what cool is. And they look nothing like me. So what am I like? What am I then? And it was this weird, empty space of like. Either make my mark and like fill in the role that I think I should be playing or I just kind of like blend in. And it's much easier just to blend in. LAUREL: How did you do that? STEPHANIE: I hate to say assimilate, but I try to just Okay, what she's wearing. Copy that outfit. What is that word that he used? Okay, I'm going to use that vernacular. And you guys do that on the weekends, okay? I'm gonna do that. Just whatever everybody else is doing. I'm going to stay with the stream. I'm not going to make any waves. Please don’t look over here. And it was obviously they're looking. My hair's not like yours, my build is definitely not like yours.

Stephanie became anxious anytime she got her hair done.

I had braids most of growing up, most black girls. That was easiest from playing and swimming and running around. It's just easier to have yourself in braids. But scuse me, it always felt like a. I'd be excited in my personal life at home. I'm going to get this new hair so excited. Then it's like the dread of Monday morning. I'm like, Oh my God. Someone's going to touch my hair. So I'm going to get asked If I can wash my hair. Someone asked me if it's my hair, so I'm just like a petting zoo. 

In the summers when Stephanie visited her dad, she learned life was much different for her half sister who was growing up with him.

When I would go back to California with my dad's side of the family who's way more culturally hip to black culture. And it was like, what are you listening to? Like, Oh, you don't like Sheryl Crow? And like, who is Sheryl Crow? They’re like we don't wear Abercrombie. And like that’s all the kids at my school wear. 

They’d walk around Venice Beach or Pasadena, and seeing people that looked like her, Stephanie discovered a place where she could belong.

…being like, Oh my gosh…They look like me.

When she started high school back in Arizona she decided to try out for the cheerleading squad. 

And I looked at the current team. All white. Okay, so here we go again. Being the black girl in the white space and Okay, get to try outs, there's another black girl. And it's like. Hi. Hi. What's your name? Britney. I'm Stephanie, Hi. Instant friends. Instant friends. 

When the cheer squad stood in front of the crowd of people at football games in short skirts, Stephanie suddenly became more aware of her body and people looking at her body.

Very small uniforms. Very visible sport. And the girls would make comments to other girls. And it was like, I don't want to be. I don't want you calling me out. It was never our coach. It was never, never a support person. It was always amongst the group of like, ‘did you say skirts a little tight today? Maybe she shouldn't be in the pyramid.’ 

‘Fearless And Indestructible’

Around this time, Stephanie began to count calories and skip meals. This was the early 2000s, the age of Atkins and paleo and other fad diets. 

It was like extreme diet culture of zero fat, like no sugar and no this, no carbs. Trick yourself into thinking, I'm going to go out tonight, so I'm not going to eat today. And because I'll be drinking my calories.

And after she graduated from high school she stayed in her hometown, but moved into an apartment with three roommates and enrolled in community college.  She was on her own – no one to supervise her choices. She looked to the guys she dated for guidance.

I mean, like being in someone's arm. And he goes, ‘Oh, she's hot.’ You're like, taking note of everything. Okay, got it. Next time I wear that, I'll do that. I'll see that I move like that. Like, I just want you to like me. Whatever you say. I'll do it. I'll follow it. So it's like going to a boys dorm, and there's big boobs, tiny, tiny waist, white models plastered all over his room and it’s like, all right, got to do that. Buy the push up bra, don't eat for a few days, and he'll think I'm beautiful. He's not really paying attention. And I'm torturing myself for this boy. 

Free of parents Stephanie was figuring out life for herself.

We had terrible eating habits. We had terrible sleeping habits with very questionable taste in boys. But if you could not tell me that wasn't a palace, We were so happy to be away from home and have each other and have, like, parties we want and like, people over we want. Looking back on like, how do we survive now when you drink water? Like what was the vitamin, a vegetable would have been great. 

As the youngest of her roommates her friends snuck her into bars. They’d drive to Vegas for a weekend with no money for a hotel, praying they’d find a place to crash.

It was debauchery in the best way… I was drinking, I was drugging. I was sleeping around, making out with literally anybody, bar hopping, going to different cities.

We were fearless. We were indestructible. 

One night she and her roommates are walking home from a bar when they hear a cat.

And we both stop and we look at each other like it's trapped …And we convinced ourself this cat was trapped and we have to save it. And we literally just walked into someone's house and took their cat. I wish I was joking!

Summer Of 2008

In the spring of 2008 Stephanie applied to work at a kids’ camp in Binghamton, New York. 

STEPHANIE: I'm feeling like crap… LAUREL: In your body…STEPHANIE: In my body from the debauchery and the late nights and whatever. But being an only child, I'm thinking I'm going to have hundreds of little sisters that I can teach cheer and dance to. And it's going to be the best summer ever. 

She flies on a plane by herself for the first time in her life and arrives at the camp but she is a little worried because she’s feeling so lethargic.

No energy at a job we're supposed to be peppy and teaching cheer, and I have to pull at every ounce I have. I'm so tired. I feel really weak. I'm kind of like brain foggy and it's just kind of achy all over. 

On the morning before the campers arrive Stephanie eats a bowl of blueberries for breakfast, (since she was still counting calories) and files outside with the other counselors.

They play the trumpet for it to come out. We're all standing around the flag and I pass out.

Another counselor takes her to the infirmary, but since the campers hadn’t arrived yet, it was empty.

So I'm in there asleep by myself. And this voice, something internally is like, ‘you have to get out of this cabin,’ …I can't catch my breath. I'm in so much pain. I'm in so much pain. I can't really stand, upright is like not an option. So I’m hunched over. I find that crawling is the easiest mode of movement. I'm crawling with my head down and I'm banging on the wall trying to get someone's attention, then take a few more crawls try to, like, gather my strength and banging with everything I have on the wall. And this is, like, midnight. Everyone's asleep, and, like, someone's going to find me if I get to the door. I'll make some noise outside or people will hear me. Someone opened the door. I'm half way down the hall and like, What are you doing? And they kind of look up and I'm like, I have to go to the hospital. 

Finally help arrives. The camp director drives Stephanie to the hospital. 

I'm like, pointing to my chest. It hurts up here. I don't know if I'm like, if I'm having a panic attack. This is a panic attack.

They give her something for the pain and Stephanie passes out. 

I woke up and my mom was there and I love her. So I'm like, ‘Mom.’ Kind of black out. Like the next time I remember my Dad's there and I'm like, ‘Hey.’ Oh. Like, it has to be serious if both of them are here. Okay, so now I'm kind of getting worried in my head of like, can someone tell me what's going on? …I don't remember how much time passed. It's very, very foggy. I was in a lot of pain. 

While she’s coming in and out of consciousness, doctors are forced to take life saving measures and a nurse tells Stephanie’s mom to call whoever she needs to read last rights! 

Stephanie survives but when she wakes up from surgery she can’t talk.

I remember waking up with tape on my mouth tubes coming out of everywhere. And just like in my mind, because my mind's still there. I mean, God, I was in a car accident. Only if it made sense. Something must have happened…I don't think I remembered anything up to that point. I remember seeing my parents on either side of the bed, my mom looking very worried, my dad looking very, very serious, and I can't talk…trying to feel around. I can't sit up, Can't talk. 

Stephanie’s mom hands her a notepad.

I'm writing, ‘where am I? What day is it? Why are you here? Why is Dad here? What's going on?’ And I'm kind of frantic in my writing. 

At one point Stephanie feels like she can’t breathe.

I remember saying, I can't breathe. I can't breathe, I can't breathe. You're breathing just fine. If this is the machine, this is your oxygen levels. Kind of being the rebellious person I am the nurse turns her back, and I start to pull out my tube… this little bitty woman like 4’11” she grabbed me so hard. She stopped me. She grabbed my hand because I was like, Oh, And I pulled it a little bit. And she's like, No. And she grabbed my hand and she looked so serious. And in me doing that, it felt like I, like, blocked my airway. So I'm starting to panic. My eyes are wide…So the doctor comes in and he's like, Take a breath, exhale. And as he exhales, he pulls it out and it's likeI think the best feeling to have like cool air. 

She can breathe now. But when Stephanie tries to speak, still no sound comes out.

I have no voice and I start bawling because I'm like is this what happened? Like, it's at my throat, like in my vocal cord and I'm panicking. My dad's trying to calm me down and I'm like, I can't express myself. I can't speak to ask what's going on? 

And there was a few days. I mean, voice did come back, very raspy, very Louis Armstrong… My back hurts really bad. So I'm like, What happened? 

Her parents could explain only what they knew, that while she was unconscious the surgeon removed one of her lungs. 

I'm sorry. I don't smoke…Okay. Do I have cancer? We don't know. 

The doctors performed test after test, put her on various medicines, and IVs to try to figure out what happened, but Stephanie remained a mystery.

To hear very smart, very knowledgeable doctors go, we don't know. Terrifying for my parents and for myself. 

So days turned into weeks and Stephanie and her parents stayed in that hospital. At 20 years old she needed help from her bed to the bathroom. She needed help walking.

I lost a lot of weight, lost a lot of muscle. More importantly. And. Those achieving those scary scanning goals happened in the worst way. I looked at May, seated and sick. I looked sick. 

It took several weeks just to learn how to walk again.

 It was the same TV programs every day, Monday through Friday. So we watched the Today Show as a family. Watching the Today Show someone says, ‘this is The Today Show. Happy 4th of July.’ And my jaw hit the floor. I said it's July?! My mom was like, ‘yeah.’ I'm like, ‘how long have I been here?’

In all Stephanie stayed in the hospital for a month and a half, but left with no answers.

Living In Fear

Back home in Flagstaff, she continued her recovery from her mystery condition. As she regained her appetite, she started to put on weight.

The old voice of like, Oh, no five pounds oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That panic was there for sure. 

She tried to go back to her old life of partying and depriving her body of food and sleep, but her near-death-experience loomed in the back of her mind.

It was years of being really fearful. I didn't want to put myself in a situation where I'd have to feel that level of excruciating pain ever again, and I didn't know what caused it. I'd be like, Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine. I have the surgery, I'm fine. I'm not fine. I'm now 21 with one lung, a massive scar on my back. And this whole new perspective on life. And to be so young and like still really dumb, but have this longing of like I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to miss out. And I almost did. Really scary, Really sobering. 

A few years would pass before she learned the cause of her lung failure.

I got the diagnosis that it was an allergic reaction to some kind of fungus. So it's allergic bronchopulmonary, aspergillus, some kind of mold that's found in dirt. The pain that I was feeling. And now now when I went in, in that excruciating pain that I couldn't really move. I had necrotizing pneumonia. I had water on the lung.And abscess on my lung. And essentially at my lung, she was liquefying. Wow. So it's like. The necrotizing is gangrene internally and that's why it hurts so damn bad. 

It took time for the diagnosis to sink in, that she could have possibly avoided the trip to the hospital if she’d taken better care of herself, the anguish she caused her parents, the suffering she went through.

STEPHANIE: And to think I was that sick. And just really ignorant and not taking care of myself. I probably could have saved my lungs. If I just. What? I went to the doctor and paid attention. Had taken care of myself and listened to the like, I feel like crap warning signs. I probably could have saved myself a really gnarly surgery, a really gnarly surgery. LAUREL: But you did listen to your voice eventually. STEPHANIE: Eventually, and I use this analogy a lot in my life, like little pebbles, life or the universe. Throw a little pebbles or. Or bump. I hope you're listening, little pebble. I just had to get hit with a brick. A hell of a brick. And it’s a long roundabout way to trust yourself honor yourself. 

Embracing Her Scar

After years of being told to shield her body of danger and to avoid scars, she now had one that stretched across her back.

And I remember one of my parents going, Oh, don't look at it. Don't just don't. Don't look right now. I'm like, Okay. And there was a few days where I would like, stare at myself, going and just turn around to turn around. Just to be handed off to it. Looks like you're going to have to see it eventually. And the day that I finally decided, I gasped, like. Oh, my God. It was much bigger than I thought. I have keloid skin, so it's like a raised scar now. But to look and see the staples. I think my first thought was, ‘what am I going to do?’  Not thinking, Oh my gosh, thanks for saving my life. It was like, This is what I look like now. Great. My best friend was like, That's the coolest thing I've ever seen. Like you think so? And she's like, You're alive because of that.

Her thinking evolved. And a few years after the surgery Stephanie decided to embrace her scar and even add to it.

Now I have two tattoos on my scar it's kind of a reclaiming of it. Now it's like a pride thing of like a survival thing of like a sure ask questions. Cause I'm happy to tell you that I'm alive because of the surgery. I'm alive because of the scar. 

Stephanie pulled down the straps of her jumpsuit to show me a tattoo of a pocket watch dangling from one end of the scar set to the time of her birth and another of a large nail going through the middle of the scar.

It was kind of like a tough as nails joke. I kind of had to. What else am I going to do if I'm moving into this life of self-acceptance and loving my body? This is not part of my body. You can't hate that one part. It's all a package. I had. I had to. 

Self Love As An Act Of Defiance

As time passed, the fear of hurting herself again remained in the back of her mind. That fear turned into worry, which became a fairly constant anxiety, until she realized it wasn’t serving her.

I prepare myself for every potential outcome then I'll be fine. Then I'll be fine. I get that for sure. And it doesn't make sense because I do it with everything. And that one scenario does maybe come to fruition. Okay, let's drop all the other scenarios and let's focus on this. It doesn't help me at all. Overthinking it.  I found that, like, having those emotions weren't really good, like on a cellular level didn't make me feel good to be scared. 

As Stephanie grew older she became more and more discerning with how she treated her body.

I can know that's going to make me feel like crap. Now this new self knows that that's what I need to literally fuel myself to get through a day. You have to have a breakfast and eat when you're hungry. It's not a badge of honor to have hunger pains.

And little by little she decided that what she needed was not to escape those feelings–but almost the opposite, to take up space.

If I would have if I would have died at 20, I never, ever would have lived a life where I was like, comfortable in my skin. And to now be comfortable in my skin and to operate in that space. It's so good to like yourself. It feels really good to like yourself. And now I am the heaviest I've ever been and I'm the happiest I've ever been. And 20 year old me never ever would have seen those two things being possible at the same time.

the least of my concerns is if my thighs spill over in shorts or if my back that hangs out of a summer dress.

She chose to make Flagstaff her home. It also happens to be where I live. Something to know about this college town in the mountains of northern Arizona is it’s pretty white. Aside from a significant Navajo and Latino population the latest Census data shows 1.5% of the town is African American.

Getting a handle of, like, body dysmorphia. And what it means to be a black woman. In this space in this country with all the other things going up against what it means to be a black woman I think like self-love is an act of defiance. 

Becoming A Doula

As Stephanie is coming into her own and paying more attention to what she is drawn to she is figuring out what kind of career to pursue. She knows she loves babies, so she thought she’d take classes to become a doula.

I'm feeling very intimidated because all these women are mothers. I lost my confidence along the way. No one wants to hear from me and my mom. I don't know how to do this. 

In 2017 she completed the workshop but still didn’t feel qualified or that she would have much to offer. So a year went by, and the workshop was offered again and once more Stephanie signed up. This time she pushed through her self doubt, and since then has had the opportunity to hold space for many women and their families.

Just to really see a woman usually usually at their heaviest, they’re round they're swollen. They might not be in love with their body but their body is giving you this baby. And to watch that process of pain and I can't do this. I can't do it again, do this. All the words that come out during labor. It is so invigorating to be like, you can do this to another woman. It's a lot easier to give other people that encouragement and those words than it is to give yourself. She opened her eyes and looked at me and we just locked eyes. And I'm just giving her affirmation and affirmation. And you can do this. And you're so powerful. Your baby knows exactly what to do and your body. And I'm just down pouring her. And that moment of like her, recognizing my voice and looking at me was like, Oh. Why did I ever question myself? This is it. This is it. She heard me in the sea of people between midwives and doulas and her partner. She heard me and I could be that comfort for her. 

LAUREL: And you've probably already realized this now but Stephanie, who better? You've seen your own body transform and you've been through that like a month and a half in the hospital. 

STEPHANIE:Sometimes it's hard to acknowledge successes. Losing bad habits, losing bad mindsets. It it sometimes you don't acknowledge it, you don't realize it. And it's sometimes hard to, you know, congratulate yourself, forgive yourself. Those flowers. You did it all. Old you would never have done that. And it's like, oh, wow.

‘Betrayed By My Body Again’

It had been almost a decade since her life-saving surgery. Around this time Stephanie was casually dating, mostly meeting men online. That’s how she met Brandon. After bantering back and forth and discovering they both loved live music, they decided to meet at a concert.

I had a really cute dress on. I had come to terms with, like, this is just my body.

Just before she was set to walk out the door, her shoe broke. She started to spiral, maybe she shouldn’t go, she’s going to be so late. But when she finally arrived and apologized, Brandon was laid back and kind and put her mind at ease. So they danced and talked effortlessly late into the night. Finally the moment came when Brandon walked her to her car and said goodnight.

He walks me to my car and I lean in for a kiss, and he leans back and I'm like, Fuck you. Tonight. My kiss. Like, no one has ever done that to me. No one has ever done that to me. And he was like, Well, you know, like, let's just, like, get to know each other. And I'm like, Yeah, by kissing. 

They spent as much time together as they could and quickly got to know each other.

If I'm the black cat, he's the golden retriever. He's just sweet. He's a very, very sweet man.

They moved in together 10 months later, and in 2017 decided to get married but had a long engagement. In the summer of 2019 Stephanie discovered she was pregnant. They were so excited to be celebrating not only their marriage but also a baby, that they told everyone they knew. But 12 days before the wedding Stephanie miscarried.

After years of rejoicing in my body and loving my body to be thrown back into those feelings of, like hating and mean really, really angry, like, you can't do this.

They decided to pre-empt any awkwardness and sent out an email to friends and family coming to the wedding.

And when I said very publicly, unfortunately, Brandon and I miscarried and we look forward to seeing our friends and family in our wedding and like, we'll use this time to really, like, just hold us up. My inbox was flooded with friends. People that I've known that were like, Yeah, I me you. I think going to meet when? Years ago. Months ago. 

Pregnant During COVID, BLM  

So they got married in September of 2019 and started trying right away for another baby. Just a few months later Stephanie discovered she was pregnant again.

So I told him New Year's Day and he, like, wanted to be happy, but I was like, a little reserved like What if it happens again? I said, you know, if it does, listen, don't handle it. I mean, know that we want this one. Just keep trying. 

They made a paper chain, like the kind you make when you’re a kid in anticipation of Christmas. And each week they tore off another ring.

We pass the week. Okay, We pass the week. Okay. We did it. Okay. Week 27. 

But three months into the pregnancy a worldwide pandemic rocked the ground beneath them. Stephanie had trouble finding a doctor willing to work with her given her situation with one lung. After many phone calls, she finally found a specialist in Phoenix.

We went down once a month in the height of COVID To see the specialist covered having one lung being pregnant. I was a mess. I was just nervous all the time.

Then on May 25, 2020, George Floyd was killed by a police officer in Minneapolis. In the days that followed people in Minneapolis, Memphis, and Los Angeles took to the streets. Pretty soon people were protesting all over the nation, including Flagstaff.

I'm quietly pregnant by myself watching the news going, Really? This thing affects the lungs. Really. I want to be informed and I want to be at these marches. I have one line. It's COVID. I'm pregnant. I cannot put myself in that situation. I want to be there. I can't. 

On July 25 Stephanie went in for her regular doctor’s appointment. 

I think I'm 34 weeks at this point, and your blood pressure is really high. I'm like, It's fine, then. Fine. Like, we want to go to the hospital, but I have to go back to work like my lunches there. I have stuff to do. Like, Oh, sweetheart, no, you're going to the hospital, so call my husband not thinking anything of it. I'm like, Can you pack a bag for me? Like, make sure my moisturizers in there. Make sure my eye mask is in there. My charger. And, like, we'll be out tonight. Like, I just. They just want to check me out. Now he packs a bag, meets me at the hospital, and I'm admitted. 

She learns her blood pressure isn’t just high, but stroke level high.

It was like an hour before they were like, ‘we're going to have to do a caesarian because you've been laboring for so long.’ I'm like, ‘absolutely not. I can't. I don't want that.’ So I'm like, I tell him to drop the legs on the bed. And we're doing all these things. I'm doing all the things and spinning babies this way. Hold my foot this way and I'm dancing and move and I'm shaking and rolling. 

After all those years of not being in her body, then not trusting her body, to finally get to this point of believing she could grow and nurture and deliver a healthy baby…

Like, ‘come on, come on, Baby. We got, we we can do this, We can do this. We can do this.’ Trusting my body. I'm trusting her. I'm going to be able to deliver how I want to deliver. And I did.

Stephanie’s daughter Memphis was born just a little over three pounds and whisked away to the neonatal intensive care unit. Stephanie put her hands on her now empty belly and felt her body that had worked so hard to care for and birth this baby.

My belly is loose and empty, which is a really weird feeling after being pregnant. I'm like, kind of touch in and roll. Oh, it's so squishy in there. And it's more of like a an awe than a critique. which is really nice to be like, I did it. I carried as long as I could. She's healthy, she's here. 

Today Memphis is three years old and is soaking up everything she sees and hears. So Stephanie is all the more aware of how she talks about her body.

I can say since she's been born in her presence, I have not said anything bad about my body. And that's a feat in itself. 

And Stephanie loves the way Memphis talks about her three-year-old body.

She really likes to say that she's strong. Look at my muscles. I'm so strong… she moves and climbs and jumps and she uses her body as how we all should be using our body as like a machine and a tool to learn and jump and play.

MEMPHIS SINGING WITH STEPHANIE

Memphis is learning all this from Stephanie. And in turn, when Stephanie gets anxious, she looks to her daughter for direction.

She's my expensive therapist, my youngest and most expensive therapy on just how to live life. And we'll go for a walk. And she says, Hi trees, Hi birds, Hi dog. She's just like, happy to be here and everything's a celebration. When she's like, Look at the butterfly and A cute dog walk by and that's it. Look at that dog. I did look at that. Oh, he's so cute. He's so friendly. And being there with her to snap me out of it every chance she gets, it's like, Okay, all right, let's put that away. Let's just focus on the task at hand. 

This is 2 Lives. I’m Laurel Morales.